How do you avoid divorce? Ask someone who’s been through it.

A 25-year study following 373 couples found that 46% have divorced. 210 of them were asked what they’d do differently. Five key points emerged.

15% percent said they should have shown their spouses more affection. 41% said they would discuss problems in ways that work toward solutions, not fights.

Looking at yourself as part of marital problems and hearing your spouse’s take — rather than just blaming your spouse — helps to move toward solutions.

Releasing negative emotions through journaling, exercise or writing to the person who has upset you helps to avoid relationship-corroding grudges.

And finally, almost half reported disagreements over money. Discussing views on money early on in the relationship, and then devising a plan both can live with, goes a long way toward reducing these problems.