About Mediation

Mediation is a calm, civil, private — and usually less expensive — way to work out agreements. In mediation, you have the chance to make customized agreements that reflect your unique needs and values, based on full disclosure, in a private, safe, and confidential setting — without any pressure. And in mediation, courtroom procedure can be relaxed so you can tell your story, and make your agreements, your way.

Mediation typically has three steps, which you can move through at whatever pace best suits you.

• Step One: The mediator should first learn about you — what your concerns are, any goals you have for the process, as well as any ground rules you wish for both of you to observe while you are in mediation. This is where the mediator should simply listen to you. The mediator should also learn about your children, if you have children: things like each child’s academic, social and developmental level and progress. Finally, the mediator should help you identify and gather the legal and financial documents and other information you’ll need, so later on you’ll be prepared to make choices that best fit you.
• Step Two: Next, the mediator should help you identify the specific topics that you’ll need to resolve, and set the course to resolve them, one at a time — in a structured and safe setting — and at whatever pace best suits you. If the mediator is also an attorney, this is when — if he or she is willing to do so — the mediator can help you understand the law and what a court might do in situations like yours, providing you with guidance for resolving each topic. And if your mediator is also a mental health professional, he or she will likely have the skills and tools to help you keep things calm, be heard, and reach agreements.
• Step Three: Last, once you are comfortable with all aspects of your agreement, the necessary legal documents are drafted and filed with the court. If your mediator is also an attorney, he or she can take care of most of this for you, if you choose, which is typical in this area. Or you can do this yourself, or have someone else do this if you prefer. And once a Judge approves your agreement, it is official and legally binding, just as in court-litigated cases.

There are lots of reasons so many people choose mediation. First, in mediation, you get to keep control of the key decisions affecting your family, money and life, rather than surrendering them to lawyers or a court. Second, you aren’t set up as enemies against each other, but instead as two people with some problems to resolve. Third, mediation allows you to avoid prolonged, and often expensive, court proceedings. Fourth, unlike public court, what happens in the mediation room is usually confidential and private. Fifth, an experienced mediator should be able to keep things fair, and not allow undue pressure, strong-arming or coercive tactics. And sixth and finally, mediation is often less expensive.

Yes, once approved by a Judge.  When you have agreement on all points, an attorney can draft your legal agreement, as well as the related court documents.  If your mediator is also an attorney, he or she can usually take care of this step for you, which is typical in this area.  And in Connecticut, once a Judge approves your agreement and related documents, it is typically as official, legally binding, and enforceable as it would be in litigation.  It’s typically this last step that makes your agreement an enforceable court order.